how would you define selfish?
When people call someone bold and straightforward, does that imply that he or she is in fact selfish? Is someone who is easily tempered selfish deep deep inside? Is it because Hitler is selfish instead of merciless that millions of Jews were killed?
If you think about it, you know I am also a selfish person. That is why I get irritated easily. But because I am a Christian, I know it is not holy, not Christ-like to be selfish; thus, I cry when I am frustrated with my temper, hoping it will wash away my shame.
God, help me.
He is probably the first boy who told me that he liked me but didn’t know why. He is perhaps the first one who told me to just be myself. What he said means a lot to me.
Nonetheless, he is not a Christian; he is not older than me; he is not much taller than me; he is not a Chinese; he does not know Chinese culture… There are many things I value but he is not familiar with. Of course, there are also many things I don’t care but mean much to him.
If I know what is right and what is wrong, I will know the answer to that question. If I don’t know, I should pray and wait for His answer. What if God doesn’t respond to my prayer or He answered but I refuse to listen?
All these things trouble me, day and night. What should I do? What should I not do?
11/27/2014 Thanksgiving chase
12/12/2014 Fraction burst into tears
2 weeks of internal change
Long term value change
Desires more and better
To know the unknown
Have to face trials and betrayals
~ Psalm 6 ~
O LORD, do not rebuke me in Your anger, Nor chasten me in Your hot displeasure. Have mercy on me, O LORD, for I am weak; O LORD, heal me, for my bones are troubled. My soul also is greatly tousled; But You, O LORD – how long? Return, O LORD, deliver me! Oh, save me for Your mercies’ sake! For in death there is no remembrance of You; In the grave who will give You thanks? I am weary with my groaning; All night I make my bed swim; I drench my couch with my tears. My eye wastes away because of grief; It grows old because of all my enemies. Depart from me, all you workers of iniquity; For the LORD has heard the voice of my weeping. The LORD has heard my supplication; The LORD will receive my prayer. Let all my enemies be ashamed and greatly troubled; Let them turn back and be ashamed suddenly.
I don’t know why I am typing this blog right now. In less than 3 hours, I should be sitting in my class and take a quiz. But before that happens, I am suppose to turn in a 1,200 word memo on Apple Inc in 2010.
But, my stomach hurts…
“Have mercy on me, O LORD, for I am weak”
“Do not be silent to me”
“Plead my cause, O LORD”
“Hear my prayer, O God”
“I am restless in my complaint, and moan noisily”
God, I am approaching you with my thinking and feeling. Please restore my soul, guide me in the path of righteousness and walk me through the shadow of death.
May the Lord direct your hearts into God’s love and Christ’s perseverance. (2 Thessalonians 3:5 NIV)
This verse absolutely comforts me as I get nervous and stressed about this new quarter and my remote internship. I hope God will lead me to where I belong to, and allow me to love and persevere as I live.
I had three options for this summer: 1) interning in the US, 2) interning in Beijing, and 3) traveling with my dad. After asking around and careful consideration, my dad and I decided that I should go back to the States and gain work experience. However, I haven’t secured a place to stay in Long Beach, and I told my dad that I didn’t want to go back to La Jolla to get my car. All of these made him worry that I had been deceived by this opportunity. Accepting this offer felt more right, so I will learn to trust Him knowing that He plans the future and always prepares for us. In the meantime, I have been replying to posts on craigslist. Hopefully I will secure a safe place to stay for the next two and half months.