Morning Devotion

The LORD is good to those who wait for Him, To the soul who seeks Him. It is good that one should hope and wait quietly For the salvation of the LORD. It is good for a man to bear The yoke in his youth.

For the Lord will not cast off forever. Though He causes grief, Yet He will show compassion According to the multitude of His mercies. For He does not afflict willingly, Nor grieve the children of men. (Lamentations 3:25-27, 31-33 NKJV)

I have been worried about myself recently. Not knowing God’s plan, I don’t know whether I should start packing and be ready to leave this country in a year or not. And Natalie said to me, “a year is long. Focus on the present. Hope in the Lord.”

I questioned God why He took mom away at such a young age for many, many times. I also asked for mercy because I grieved and felt guilty. Yet, He has compassion, and does not afflict willingly.

Life is good, is beautiful. It is also difficult sometimes with all the unknowns and uncertainty. But I guess that is why life is worth living.

a DILEMMA as I transit from being a 1st-yr to a 2nd-yr

I AM STRESSED!!!

All my second-year friends are leaving for school (Ph.D.), or heading to jobs/internships they got, or getting ready to travel for the summer.

I feel pressured to find a job or a potential husband that can allow me to continue living in the U.S.. BUT I don’t want to accept the maybe-true reality in which I have to marry someone I don’t love or enjoy spending time with.

The dilemma is 1) to go home and be the snow whom others expect me to be. marry someone that others think would be a good fit for me. 2) to stay in the U.S. and marry someone that can help me stay in the U.S. longer, and stay in the U.S. longer.

I don’t want either outcome. It may be a matter of choice. A choice of working hard vs. a choice of accepting the imaginary prospect of my future life.

What my life should be like or at least close to be like this:

Graduate, land on a job that brings personal growth and enhances skills/abilities which can help accomplish the purpose of my life. Get a work visa, meet my the other half, fall in love, and get married when it is the right time. Work together to reach a mutual goal that resembles my dream and/or his. Honor God’s name with the work we do and the self we are.

The story can probably be more in-depth or detailed. But that is just my ideal future in 5 to 10 years. God controls my life, and He has a plan for me, which is better than any of the plans I could have thought of. 

Insecurity

I feel insecure.
Especially in this male-dominated world.
Maybe it is because of my mom,
Who can no longer protect me by my side.

I feel insecure.
Especially when there are guys approaching.
Maybe it is because of my fear,
Which has kept me away from adultery.

I feel insecure.
Yet, I know God is watching.
He loves, cares, and comforts.
How much I wish I could feel the embrace!
So there will be no insecurity.

Dear Jesus,
Please protect me
And save me from the evil
Keep me clean and pure
So I may worship you with my wholly holy heart.
I pray, in The Lord of Lords, and the King of Kings, Jesus’ name.
A-men.