after 9 months of her death

“Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” NKJV Romans 15:13

For how long have I been feeling hopeless? I do not remember. It is a feeling that is caused by the void in my heart. No one and nothing yet could fill it as far as I’ve tried. I started doing stupid things with no planed purpose, and talked to people that I had not encountered before. This seemed to be going on for a while, and maybe forever. All of these would only make the void bigger and darker.

Not until I decided to leave the unworthy earthly things behind, I saw God speaking His words through the Bible with affirmed blessing. May the God of hope fill me with all joy and peace in believing, that I may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

I am aware of my weakness. I know even though I made my mind and decided to do something to change myself, I will fail many times before I am even closer to where I want to be at. Nonetheless, it is comforting to know that God is with me, and He has witnessed what I have gone through, forgiven me, and loved me no matter how many times I disappointed him.